On Reading Macaulay By Iffley Lock, Oxfordshire And Encountering Some Students (2005)

Here we see how intelligence dims

When chivvied on by bottles of Pimm’s.

This passing boat (thank Christ, not a fleet)

Is bow-packed, now, with our new “elite”.

All penguin suits, and mouths to glasses,

They float on by, our “superior” classes.

Having with “high learning” been so eloquently lagged,

Tonight’s big ambition is “getting shagged”, or

“Networking”. I’d hazard a guess that

James the Second took flight for less.

A royal statue, dethroned, was cast in the Tyne,

(Lies there still?) perhaps some unrecovered mine will

Do the same for these , our future messes,

And cheerfully redistribute their evening dresses

Around fair Oxfordshire’s private schools

To give fair warning to the well heeled fools, who’s

Progeny on a future boat may glide

And fill true learning with thoughts of suicide.

And so now onward, onward they go

(CVs at the ready!!!) through life’s all too tawdry show while

I return to my book of Stuart kings

(A previous generation of “Bright Young Things”)

And find Judge Jefferies now incarcerated,

(He, of course, was “Cambridge educated”)

Sheltered for his own own protection

(In wake of  the royal defection)

From the “crude populace” he cheerfully abused, as

Around the country he so casually cruised.

But, look! Our craft is now almost out of sight.

Time to bid these Charon-haunting sheltered ones “Goodnight”.


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